i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
