Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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