end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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