I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
