our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
