this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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