He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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