I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
