I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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