hell yes lets make some ravioli
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
