come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
