i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
