I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
