You smell like a Billy Joel song
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
