I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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