I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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