Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
