I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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