Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
