I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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