just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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