I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I smell like Dick and happiness
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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