just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
