Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
