Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
