After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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