I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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