too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
