Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
