don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
