i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
