JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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