My cat gives me a boner
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
