Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
