flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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