you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
