yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
