captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize