I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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