Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
