Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
