doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
