making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am naked and annoyed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
