i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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