tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
