If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
