Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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