Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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