if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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