thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
