After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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