sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
