I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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