Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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