We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
