I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
