Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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