You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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