She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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