Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
