I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hippo gnu deer
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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