What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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