Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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