he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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