So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
