Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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