So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
