We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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