You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
