She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
