she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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