chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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