There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
