I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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