I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
