You made me cry and you don't even care
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
