Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
